Clown Car Thread

[SonicB]

Every so often, I find an AI ship that's such an eye-wateringly awful design that it makes the early French pre-dreadnoughts look like masterpieces of naval architecture. I've taken to screenshotting them, and since we're all a little bored, I thought I'd present some of the more recent exhibits here. Would love to see yours.

Exhibit A: The Pick'n'Mix
"Sorry sir, but we're out of triple secondaries. But can I interest you in our mix-and-match funnel special, four for the price of three?"

 

Exhibit B: The Optimist
I feel sorry for this one. Who's going to tell him we aren't getting planes for a while?

 

Exhibit C : Compensating For Something
What happens when you build a battlecruiser with the turrets higher than the bridge? Exactly what you'd expect. We'll just forget about the mixed-calibre turret farm on the other ship.

 

Exhibit D : The Self-Own
Reckoned by German strategists to be quicker and more efficient than fighting the Grand Fleet in open water. Incidentally, did someone get the 3" and 6" mounts mixed up after a little too much Berliner Weisse?

Exhibit E: The Imminent Capsize
What in the name of Kaiser Wilhelm's immaculately waxed moustache is that? Eh, pretty soon you'll need a scuba suit to figure it out.

[Molotnikov'sk]

I found a Destroyer that can only be described as eldritch in nature. Maybe not as egregious as your examples but still, gunboat on crack, too many funnels for a destroyer. And that torpedo placement, ew. But hey, it go fast.

[Molotnikov'sk]

Actually, looking through my screenshots, I found another destroyer that may have confused itself with a ship of the line from the era of sail.

[madham82]

1 hour ago, Molotnikov'sk said:

too many funnels for a destroyer

Clemson says hold my beer...

[SonicB]

Just dropping in this treasure from Alpha-9, because when you have five 19" turrets who needs to see where you're going?

 

[coalminer]

I heard you like barbettes, so heres a barbette with a tower that has a barbette.

[SonicB]

2 hours ago, coalminer said:

I heard you like barbettes, so heres a barbette with a tower that has a barbette.

*Oprah voice* You get a barbette! And you get a barbette! Everyone gets a barbette!

...we're out of turrets though 😂

[Whomst'd've]

I found this one quite amusing, i'm having a 1v1 battleship fight, I build this:

And the AI goes all out, and builds what can only be described as a modern take on a pre-dreadnought:

 

Another big brain design decision made by the AI, was to have the main, heavy, forward turret raised on a barbette, so it can be superfiring above a light secondary gun... (having it the other way around is just absurd obviously XD!) 

 

[Cpt.Hissy]

Having it other way around is just impossible thanks to our terribly limited designer..

Though it's perfectly fine to not use any barbettes, you shoot broadsides anyway.

I've noticed multiple occasions of AI using barbettes for no apparent reason, it really loves them now

Edited November 23, 2020 by Cpt.Hissy

[Cpt.Hissy]

Sake i guess.

 

Same battle. Are they secretly a player?

"Which guns would we use, sir?" - "Oh i cant decide..."

So, 3 out of 3 are dorked in some way, great job AI.

Edited November 24, 2020 by Cpt.Hissy

[Steeltrap]

This thread is both valuable and comedy gold.

I've often wondered at the penalties some of these things must have from smoke interference, pitch/roll and longitudinal weight imbalances.

As I've said so many times (yeah, I know I repeat myself), this is yet another example of why good design includes a list of "must NOT" conditions.

Must not place a barbette without a turret.

Must not place a funnel ahead of the main tower.

Must not place a main armament superfiring over a secondary mount.

Must not produce accuracy penalties greater than 'x' in any specific aspect OR greater than 'y' in total. THIS one I think is something they ought to experiment with ASAP.

I've noticed the AI tends to build glass cannons. Rather frustrating to face them in a scenario when you consider that they'd be utterly disastrous for the AI in a campaign if a better balanced design can defeat them despite their firepower (especially in light of the issue of gunnery penalties I've mentioned above).

I'd have thought this is pretty basic stuff. Perhaps I should put it in the "long list of issues" thread? Mind you, there's plenty I could put there along with relevant screen snips etc. Trouble is I'm kind of tired of saying the same things, lol, when they never appear to be acknowledged and thus do any good.

Edit: I posted something on this in the "Issues" thread.

Edited November 24, 2020 by Steeltrap

[Wowzery]

I've seen some crazy designs for my YT channel.  Last video, King George V, the AI designed an opposing battleship with six twin 9" main guns.  It really wasn't a fair fight.

[Cpt.Hissy]

Iowa redesign by AI from one of academy missions.Sure, with this masterpiece alone they would instantly win the entire war, and all future wars as well!

[Skeksis]

...

Edited November 9, 2021 by Skeksis

[Steeltrap]

6 minutes ago, Skeksis said:

Hmm, it seems that the firing arcs intrusion values are not been added into the probability placement formula.

Just FYI, I added a fairly detailed comment on this very point in my post in the "Issues" thread.

I suspect that point, along with stacking up accuracy penalties plus inadequate armouring are the 3 single biggest elements of the AI's design output "problems".

If an AI could take drugs I'd just as easily blame that.

[SonicB]

I name this ship "HMS Sickbucket." May God help her and all who roll in her.

Edited November 24, 2020 by SonicB

[SonicB]

On 11/23/2020 at 12:51 AM, Whomst'd've said:

Another big brain design decision made by the AI, was to have the main, heavy, forward turret raised on a barbette, so it can be superfiring above a light secondary gun... (having it the other way around is just absurd obviously XD!) 

And to think devs told us that monitors wouldn't appear in game... 😂

[Fishyfish]

I really want monitors so I can build Imperator Aleksander II class battleships. Something else this game disappoints with, oh well. 

[Cptbarney]

Apparently the AI hate this ship, so gave it fat turrets on a fat hull with toineh superstructure.

Presenting The chonk.

[TotalRampage]

[Steeltrap]

Me looking at this thread:

🧐

🤔

😲

🤣  🤪  😬  😖  🙃

 

[SonicB]

19 hours ago, Cptbarney said:

Apparently the AI hate this ship, so gave it fat turrets on a fat hull with toineh superstructure.

Presenting The chonk.

This battleship skips leg day.

[Gangut]

This thread has definitely made my day :D. I personally have ran into designs which would make some of my drunk ship designs look like true master pieces of naval design and worthy of any top of the line navy. One wonders what would happen if the campaign was implimented right now, with no changes to the ai ship design.

[BuckleUpBones]

This thread is not funny, it's a disappointment, the game has gone backwards.

These are all pretty obvious issues and others, this update should have stayed in the shop for a month or more, especially with the AI auto design being in the condition it is. Not only did the in-house testers fail the team and the players, GameLabs bosses have given in to the impatient few.

Edited November 30, 2020 by BuckleUpBones

[SonicB]

On 11/24/2020 at 3:43 AM, Steeltrap said:

This thread is both valuable and comedy gold.

I've often wondered at the penalties some of these things must have from smoke interference, pitch/roll and longitudinal weight imbalances.

As I've said so many times (yeah, I know I repeat myself), this is yet another example of why good design includes a list of "must NOT" conditions.

Must not place a barbette without a turret.

Must not place a funnel ahead of the main tower.

Must not place a main armament superfiring over a secondary mount.

Must not produce accuracy penalties greater than 'x' in any specific aspect OR greater than 'y' in total. THIS one I think is something they ought to experiment with ASAP.

I've noticed the AI tends to build glass cannons. Rather frustrating to face them in a scenario when you consider that they'd be utterly disastrous for the AI in a campaign if a better balanced design can defeat them despite their firepower (especially in light of the issue of gunnery penalties I've mentioned above).

I'd have thought this is pretty basic stuff. Perhaps I should put it in the "long list of issues" thread? Mind you, there's plenty I could put there along with relevant screen snips etc. Trouble is I'm kind of tired of saying the same things, lol, when they never appear to be acknowledged and thus do any good.

Edit: I posted something on this in the "Issues" thread.

All good points. I would really add 'must not have >2 types of secondary weapon turret.' The AI seems to do a decent job of choosing a unified main battery, but then you often have an array of six or seven different types of secondary weapon, placed around the hull apparently with a dartboard.

 

33 minutes ago, BuckleUpBones said:

This thread is not funny, it's a disappointment, the game gone backwards.

Anyone who's lived through the last few years should agree that sometimes things can be both awful and hilarious.

Really, though, I didn't start this thread as a bitchfit against the devs - I understand that alphas are an iterative process - but hilarity aside, I do hope they read it and that it helps them refine the AI design priorities. You can definitely help by posting more clowncars.