What really happens on that NPC ship

[Rosebud]

“Alright helmsman” yelled the NPC captain “now that the timer has started get some separation between us and our allied ship. That fool human will be forced to expend both his broadsides simultaneously MUHAHA.”

“But captain shouldn’t we stay near the other ship and force the human to only use one broadside thus reducing his firepower to half?”

I’m captaining here…tell the gunners to load cotton balls for the first broadside and turn us into the wind and place us in irons. If we’re lucky the stupid human will follow us.”

“But captain if we both are stuck in irons he will maul us.”

“That is why you are a helmsman and I am a NPC captain…I know that we will still be able to turn through the wind no matter how slow we move, because we are not bound by the same silly rules that human is MUHAHA.”

Sure enough the two ships were caught in irons, but the NPC turned without difficulty from a dead stop through the wind. Then, employing its oversized rudder it quickly came around and blasted the human from astern.

WE HAVE HIM!” shouted the helmsman.

“EXACTLY!…now run away.”

“What?”

“RUN…RUN for your life, we are doomed, doomed I tell you. Load the main guns and fire at will. NO! YOU IDIOTS…NOT THE ONES ON THE SIDE…THE REAR CHASERS, YOU KNOW, THE MAIN GUNS…BEFORE WE ALL DIE.”

“But captain the side guns are loaded.”

“WHAT?...OH, in that case ATTACK, ATTACK…KILL THEM ALL.”

“Great shot captain should we continue to pound his weakened side.”

“ARE YOU MAD?...We’ve fired our guns…run away. Must I think of everything? Oh great the human is firing at out rigging.”

“Is that bad sir?”

“No…I meant it really is great. Hell, he could knock us down to 20% and nothing much would change, the fool MUHAHA.”

___________________________________________________

The battle rages on and we find our hero, the NPC, badly damaged and down to 42% sails.

___________________________________________________

 

“MUHAHA…We have the human right where we want him.”

“But captain, we’re leaking badly, our port side is almost gone, we are at 42% sails without a bow sprint and we are on fire!”

“EXACTLY!, he is now confident of victory, but I still have several tricks up my sleeve. For instance, I know that we are down to 15% strength on that port side. Which means that his next broadside will be ineffective no matter how many shots are landed… and that he will be unable to reduce our sails any further no matter how many shots he takes at them MUHAHA…NOW WE ATTACK!”

“What about the fire?”

“Forget the fire…it will put itself out.”

“But captain we’ve been running for the last half hour. Now you want to turn and fight…NOW?”

“EXACTLY! The human will never know what hit him…bring him up to our port side.”

“But that’s our bad side captain.”

“EXACTLY!!! He would never dare finish us off, he wants to spend another half hour chasing us.”

“I don’t think so captain.”

“And that helmsman is why I am the NPC captain and not you MUHAHAGLUB…HAHAGLUB….Glub.”

[Henrik]

Well said, well said indeed!

[ObiQuiet]

LOL!

 

(I really want an SDK so we can program our own NPCs.)

[Henry d'Esterre Darby]

I have no urge to run into an NPC coded by Prater or Mr. Doran.  

[Hyperion74]

Thankee, that was fun.